Self-injury can start at any age

A personal account, by Jenny

When I was going through school, I never knew anyone who self-injured. Of course, there must have been some boys and girls who did, but I never heard about it.

The first time I hurt myself, I was 26. I was a hairdresser at the time. I remember, I was in my bedroom at my parents' house, very distressed and crying. Then without a thought, I had cut my arm. I was so shocked at myself, but it seemed to take away the mental pain; at least, it did for all of five minutes before the guilt and horror set in at what I had done. But it stopped me crying and I felt ‘OK’ again. It was really strange. I vowed to never do it again, that I was a sensible adult! But the next time I was in distress I did do it again, and again.

Now at 35 years old I still self-injure and I do consider myself as a sensible adult! I know now it is a coping strategy that I have adopted to find the relief from the mental distress I'm dealing with. It's like releasing a pressure valve. It has also been, at times, a very necessary tactic for me; as it's reduced the distress that I feel would have led to a suicide attempt. I self-injure because I want to live, but without the emotional and mental pain I am suffering.

I have had much counselling and attend a support group called ‘Sapphire’ and these have helped me to better understand myself and why I use self-injury. But for now, I still need this coping strategy while I'm learning to use other ways that help reduce my emotional pain.

I have got better at ‘minimising’ my harm, and use other methods that don't cause such bad injuries or need A&E attention. This helps me feel more in control.

I hope one day I will be able to say I don't need self-injury anymore; but for now I accept the way I am, and the tactics I need.

So you can be any age when you start to self-harm, even if the media portray it as something only adolescents do! But you can also be any age to find the support you need to cope better without it.

Jenny