Helping You: Masturbation as a distraction (Trigger Warning)

[Wedge]

This thread relates only to the specific web page in the title above, which is found on the FirstSigns website at:

http://www.firstsigns.org.uk/help/masturbation.html


We have provided a warning on the page so you can prepare yourself, and avoid any triggers.


This thread is for people to discuss this single page. If you have general comments about the FirstSigns website, you can post a new thread in the 'FirstSigns' forum.

Anyone can anonymously post about masturbation as an alternative to self-injury, and members are welcome to log out and post anonymously should they wish.


---------------------------------------------------------------

Things to bear in mind.

Some people get very self-involved when it comes to masturbation, and one should take care not to neglect one's partner - if you're involved in a sexual relationship then take care not to shut your partner out, emotionally or physically.

If you're in a relationship which does not yet involve sex, then recognise that masturbating does not mean you're ready for sex! It's not evidence that you want sex or are ready for such intimacy, so don't feel any pressure to move towards sexual play.

Masturbation isn't talked about much, so don't expect everyone around you to be talking about wanking - yes, most people masturbate during the week, but no, it's not the usual topic of conversation. If you need further guidance on what masturbation might mean for you, do some discrete web searches, at Wikipedia or the NHS, but don't just use Google as your computer will be flooded with porn!

Masturbation doesn't cause any physical problems or diseases, it's normal, natural, and doesn't hurt anyone or sink ships or poke holes in the ozone layer - there are a lot of serious things in the world, like self-injury, but having a wank isn't a big deal.

Some religions forbid men to masturbate; each person should consider their convictions, and reflect on what's important to them.

[Charlotte]

i think it's a good article Masturbation is a difficult subject to talk about... bet then again, so is self-injury. I think it's important to be open about such things

[1111]

This is a really good article. Not many people would have the nerve to touch such a sensitive matter.
However, I believe that SI and mastrubation, even though linked with the tense releasing aspect, are somewhat diametrically opposite.
Mastrubation is done for pleasure. When you are blue, you do not want to mastrubate, because you do not feel like it.
On the other hand, SI does not please a person who is not a masochist, and this is not the case with most siers. When most of us are in the mood to SI, we want to feel pain, because it will be therapeutic to us.
I agree though that mastrubation can be very releasing when one has managed to control an urge wave without sinjuring...

[Jules]

Thank you for your comments and I'm glad you thought it a good article.

When you are blue, you do not want to mastrubate, because you do not feel like it.

I do feel that is a very sweeping statement to make, as each of us is different and our reasons for self-injury are different. There are many triggers for self-injury and depression is only of them. While I agree that some people may not feel like masturbating when they are depressed, others will.

In addition, people suffering from stress and anxiety, may find that masturbation helps them to calm down and release all the pent up adrenaline, dampening the urge to self-injure.

Each of us has to discover which distraction tecniques work for us as individuals, and under different circumstances, and masturbation is just another option.

[munchbunch]

thank you for commenting its great to hear differing opinions and everyones opinions are important

love and hugs
munchiexx

[wapa]

I guess as Jules is saying that it depends what your motivations are for wanting to self-harm - perhaps this might be beneficial if you are feeling angry, frustrated, and holding in pent-up energy. Perhaps yes, when you feel blue, it may not be so effective or seem like such a good idea.

[estar]

I'd never think of it as a distraction technique, due to my own feelings towards myself when I SI. Interesting article, though.

[wapa]

I must just say that although I don't think that masturbation would help me when I have the urge to self-harm, it has had a positive effect when I am feeling generally very low and desperate; it might be because of the anger and distress that I feel at these times. It wouldn't help when I feel the opposite though, numb, unfeeling, completely lacking in emotion.

[me]

Hi.

I am posting anonymously due to the sensitive nature and possible stigma, but I just wanted to say how much this article has helped me.

I read the article around a month ago. A month ago I was getting strong urges to hurt myself, but I didn't know why. My life was going well and I had thought I'd put that in my past. But everyone here knows what it's like battling with self injury - it's very hard!!

One day I was just randomly browsing this website, thinking I might find something that might help, and I came across the masturbation article. The thought had never occurred to me before. At this point I was feeling quite desperate, anxious, panicky, and thought it was either self harm or try something different. Not going into too much detail, I read it, and I did.

It relaxed me, like self harm used to, but without the pain and extreme regret I always used to experience the day after. I would just like to intimate at this point that it was a different feeling that I got from self injury, and I am not sure that it would have helped me when I was in a self destructive mood. The reasons for my self injury were more complex than just relaxation. I know that I am not someone who self injured for sexual pleasure, this is not about that; I used to self harm to hurt myself, because I thought I did not deserve to be happy or have anything good in my life, I self harmed to forget, and a whole plethora of other reasons beside.

Now I am a convert I am not sure if it would have helped me when I was in the everyday throes of depression leading to self injury, but now, when I just get (seemingly) random urges to cut myself, perhaps as a type of residue of what happened in the past, this definitely helps a lot of the time.

I'm not saying, by any stretch of the imagination, that I no longer get urges to self injure. It's just like this is one more tool in my belt to make the struggle a little bit easier

I'd also like to say, don't knock it before you've tried it. Keep an open mind.

Thanks so much for tackling such a difficult issue. I can honestly say it's changed my life.

xxx

[Jules]

Thank you so much for your comments, it's always great to hear when we have helped someone.

It *is* a difficult subject, and it wasn't something we tackled without a great deal of thought, but I'm certainly glad we did

[-Rachel-]

Interesting article...

I can see why it may be an effectice technique. It causes some of the same chemical reactions in the body as SI does. I am not sure that I will be trying it, but I am sure for some people it may prove to be really positive!

[Easethepain74]

As someone who has struggled with self harm for around 18 years now, I have to say that at times I have found masturbation to help me when I was/am wanting to cut. It only helped me when I was in an angery and frustrated mood and wanting to cut, but that was the main reason I cut in the first place (Couldn't cope/deal with my anger etc...) and using a vib on myself certainly reduced this angery and frustation for me and in a safer and more fun way! I rarely cut now and think that masturbating has def help this be the case!

[Guest]

Good article!

Personally, I sometimes masturbate when I am really tensed.
I can release tension by si, but also by masturbating.
Let well: not always! Sometimes the tension is so strong, that I si.

I consider masturbation as a technique to release tension that works -for me- in particular situations.
Risky to me is that masturbation can also become 'too much' when I'm tensed for a long period (and aply it too often).
Then I literally harm myself by masturbating , even while this is not my intention!

I consider masturbation for the purpose of tension-relieve as absolutely and qualitatively different from masturbation with a sexual background.
For me, it's definitely not the same thing!

[Guest]

This is one of the most sensible things that I have ever read, thoughtful and very intelligent and compassionate. It is time we spoke out about ths need for girls and women as the majority of sexuality in any media/medium is still male orientated. However I would just add a word of caution, it doesn't help all the time it depends on what the rest of your life is like. I have often used this method all of my life since 11yrs. old and I am now 50, but often these days afterwards I end up weeping in great distress as for the past 10yrs i have been unable to get a date at all not because of the wanking but because I have been traumatised by a long term relationship and financial and emotional abuses. I have looked and attempted dates but they have all ended up in disaster as I am so afraid now.